The Trustworthiness of Beards

How trustworthy are you? Use this handy little chart to see if you’re in the clear. If you classify as dangerous, threatening, or god-forbid “disastrous”, do us all a favor and break out that rusty razor and go to town. We can’t have you creepin’ around giving us the willies. Let’s get some of those disagreeable facial man pubes out of our direct line of sight and set us all at ease. M’kay?

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Earth Day Sex

Lyrics:
Damn, who’s that girl I see across the room?
You’re the prettiest thang in this whole Whole Foods
Slip fair trade coffee in yo’ cup, getcha in the mood
So come with me in my drop-top Prius, baby
My love is like global warming, you can’t deny it
It’s an inconvenient truth, but I cannot hide it
So turn off the lights cuz it’s eco friendly
You know you like the size of my carbon footprint

Girl you know I-I-I
Girl you know I-I-I
You got me crazy, mixing up my papers and my plastics
Girl you know I-I-I
Girl you know I-I-I
Don’t need no condoms
’cause rubber ain’t biodegradable

Earth Day Sex
Ain’t no better day for loving
Earth Day Sex

Girl by now, my intention you oughta know,
Wanna get into the hole in your ozone,
Our love’s not about sustainability
Only need 1 night to melt your ice-caps, baby
You tree-huggin’ all day, so could
you spend all night protecting my Redwood?
Now I gotta know if I can
come and develop your wetlands?

Girl you know I-I-I
Girl you know I-I-I
Just don’t panic, I’m 100 percent free-range organic
Girl you know I-I-I
Girl you know I-I-I
You got junk in yo’ trunk
and I’d like to compact it, yeah

Earth Day Sex
Ain’t no better day for loving
Earth Day Sex

Let’s recycle tonight baby……

Always Check Your Child’s Homework

It’s all a matter of perception sometimes.

Here’s the reply the teacher received the following day from the child’s Mom:

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn’t show me dancing around a pole. It’s supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith

The Evolution of Teaching Math

1. Teaching Math In 1950’s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Math In 1960’s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100 His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1970’s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1980’s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990’s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living?

Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it’s okay.)

6. Teaching Math In 2008
Un hachero vende una carretada de madera para $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho el hachero?…